I have lived in Holland for eight years, but what still surprises me is the pragmatic attitude of the people about everything, especially relationships.

It is very common that ex-wives, ex-husbands, ex-girlfriends and ex-boyfriends of a new couple are invited to the wedding, something that rarely happens in Japan.

Because many such ex's can be present and because some people can be bisexual, it can get pretty complicated (but interesting) to meet people at some weddings.

And if ex's are invited to weddings, they are also at other events. Some ex-couples go out if they are on good terms, with some even making trips together.

The reasoning of the Dutch (from the comment of Patricia about ex-boyfriend Cees):

"I spent three years of my life with Cees, we did everything together and he made me what I am. Why should we stop seeing each other?"

In Japan, such a comment would trigger a fire of jealousy in Cees' new girlfriend.

But there seems to be an unwritten rule in Holland that a person should be ashamed if he or she feels jealous.

When my friend Marjan started dating Jered, he was closing off his relationship with a girl called Pauline. But they had bought a boat together that they were fixing.

So at the beginning of the new relationship, Marjan was in an awkward position where Jered spent many weekends fixing the boat with Pauline.

The advantage of being a stupid foreigner is that you get to ask stupid questions.

So every time I met the couple, I innocently asked:

"This doesn't happen in Japan. Is it really normal?"

To this, all parties, including Jered, my husband and Marjan, would cheerfully reply:

"Of course! Why?"

But a few months went by and the boat was still not fixed and I had a chance to talk to Marjan alone. We again discussed the boat and for the first time she opened up.

"Of course, I don't like Jered seeing Pauline all the time. Of course, it's not normal!" she said.

"But I'm not supposed to mind."

I felt sorry for Marjan, but in a way relieved that some Dutch people felt the same way I did.

I have another amazing story.

A few years back, my friend Lysette got married in France at her boyfriend's parents' house. There, a man in his late 50s called Rick started to talk to me. Since he was in the same business as me (journalist at a Dutch magazine), we chatted and he told me his life story, when years back he was a diplomat in Sri Lanka.

"I was a young diplomat and I fell in love with a married woman," he said.

According to Rick, the woman and her husband were also Dutch, and though the woman resisted at the beginning, they had a relationship that in the end lasted five years, with the husband knowing about it.

"Of course, the husband didn't like it. But I was so much in love," he said.

During those years, the woman had several children and Rick said he wrote a beautiful book about their relationship, which was later published.

"And that's the woman," he said, pointing to a slightly aged but beautiful woman in the garden.

Then he waved to a man sipping champagne, explaining that that was the husband.

Because they are in the same circle of friends, they often meet at parties, he said, adding to my amazement that the woman, her husband and all their children have read his book.

Aren't the Dutch weird?