Residing for most of the time in southwestern France, I try my best to get back to my homeland at least twice a year, as an irregularly chartered translator-cum-local guide for my French companion in winter and as a swinging single in late summer.

This time though I was totally furious that the exorbitant airfare devastated my paltry budget -- because these days, many airlines are charging more than $120 for the airport tax on the pretext of the higher costs of security -- the mystery being why we modest and honest individual travelers have to make such a heavy contribution for just walking through airports.

Leaving such personal complaints behind, it always feels nice to be back in my homeland and, if I may use a well-worn phrase, to return to my roots.

The best thing yet for me in Japan is to be able to mingle with the crowd without being labeled an asiatique -- which is the permanent situation for any Asian-looking person in France. I also enjoy being able to comprehend what people say and want to say without too much effort.

On the train bound for central Tokyo from Narita International Airport, I got a familiar, cozy feeling as if I was soaking myself in the warm, soothing waters of an onsen.

Besides, being able to doze off on public transport among other passengers without paying too much attention to my belongings delivered me a most gratifying feeling -- although my friends later told me that nowadays it is not so safe to do so in cities. At moments like these, I feel a deep love for my homeland.

Nevertheless, being used to how things are in France, I am often very surprised by certain things I witness in Japan. And at those times, I wonder if a part of me has already become French and fear that I may no longer be able to completely readjust to the Japanese way of life.

Here are some of the many things that I now find difficult to comprehend (and quite probably French people will do too) in Japan.

Washlets: I've never seen one in France (perhaps they are used in luxury hotels).

Although I agree that it's one of Japan's greatest inventions, I was deeply dejected when I read a recent newspaper article featuring the latest model. It allows users to listen to their favorite tunes, including Frantz Schubert's Roeslein auf der Heiden and J.S. Bach's Air on the G String, while relieving their bladder and bowels. When I asked for opinions from my French friends, they just said "Oh la la!"

Automatically flushing toilets: Never seen in France either.

Since I dropped a pair of sunglasses into one and they were flushed away in a second before my very eyes, I secretly consider these contraptions to be nothing but a pure nuisance.

Imported French cheeses: I learned recently that French mimolette (the taste of which is similar to karasumi, according to many) has been very popular in Japan.

That's very nice, except for the ridiculous price. At a certain Tokyo department store, I also saw epoisse and mont d'or sold at four (if not five) times the prices in France. Do you think French people would buy everyday Japanese food such as natto for 1,000 yen? The answer is of course not.

People forming a tidy line on train platforms or anywhere: They don't exist in France, just like people who respect the laws of driving.

To end this month's bicultural report, as an aside I'll tell you that the essential Japanese virtue of modesty never holds here in France. Hence my best advice is: "When in France, you should do as the French people do."

I'd welcome any comments or opinions, in Japanese or English, about my column. You can write or fax me at The Weekly, or e-mail me at jtweekly@japantimes.co.jp

The Japan Times Weekly: Nov. 12, 2005
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