Japan Times Weekly Digital Reader ジャパン タイムズ ウィークリー ロゴ   Japan Times Weekly Digital Reader
 
UPDATE: Saturday, June 12, 2010      The Japan Times Weekly    2004年9月11日号 (バックナンバー)
 
 News
 Contact us
 Search
Google
WWW を検索
サイト内を検索
 Affiliated sites
 
SLEEPLESS IN SETAGAYA

Good health!

By ROBERT HALLAM

* This essay column is written by a longtime foreign resident of Japan.

Living in Japan has turned me into a hypochondriac. Every ache, every pain must be cancer; every time my heart skips a beat, it's about to fail; every cough, every sneeze has me breaking out into a cold sweat -- if I don't have a fever already -- because I have contracted SARS or bird flu, or dengue fever or malaria from one of my countless mosquito bites.

I'm not normally neurotic, but I do have an aversion to doctors and dentists -- my wife calls it cowardice. So the prospect of someone who doesn't speak my language advancing toward me armed with a scalpel or a syringe is not one that I find particularly appealing. And of course this fear makes me worry more about the symptoms, and the more I worry, the more acute they become, and the fear grows that I will have to visit the men in the white coats.

I think this is a quite natural fear. I'm sure many people living outside their home countries would say that their greatest concern is being taken ill and hospitalized in some foreign land.

I suppose I've been fortunate so far -- touch wood. I've been in Japan the best part of 18 years and I've only had to seek medical attention for a couple of ear infections, a dose of German measles -- a present from my son -- a chronic ankle (the doctor diagnosed it as soccer beak, although something might have gone missing in translation) and a tooth abscess.

I've been lucky to find two clinics close to home where some English is spoken and a kind local dentist, who became even more attentive after my wife told him that I was a born-again coward.

And I'm in my company's health-care program, although I have yet to avail myself of its annual checkup. There's just something about giving blood in the back of a bus that I can't deal with.

But I smoke and I drink. I have a sedentary job, the only exercise I get is trudging to and from work. I used to play soccer and catch with my son in the park, and go swimming with him on Sundays, but now he spends all his waking hours outside of school at juku. I've long passed my best by date and I've reached the age when things start to go wrong. Like an old car with lots of kilometers on the clock, my components are beginning to show signs of wear and tear.

And yet I needn't worry. The government will look after me. It will provide medical evacuation, first-class care at a leading hospital and put up my family at a luxury hotel nearby while I recover, and all free of charge.

No, I'm not joking and I haven't been drinking. Look at Charles Robert Jenkins, he's an American citizen married to a Japanese and he's flown around on government-chartered jets, enjoys accommodation at five-star hotels and gets private, priority care at a major Tokyo hospital. And he doesn't even pay taxes or have my permanent resident status. So perhaps I can look forward to even better treatment.

What's that you say, his case is "special," he's married to a former abductee. Well, some people would say that by marrying a foreigner my wife was abducted. Desertion? I walked out on England and my family there 18 years ago. Soliciting others to desert? Once in a while, I've told people in England that there are always English-teaching jobs here if they're looking for a change.

Perhaps you're right, I must be dreaming. Looking after my health-care needs wouldn't win the government any votes. So until my wife drags me kicking and screaming to join the long lines waiting to see the men in the white coats, I'll keep popping all the self-medication pills I can find at my local pharmacy to treat my coronary atherosclerosis, nasopharyngeal carcinoma and variant Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease, and of course my neuroses.

I'd welcome any comments or opinions, in Japanese or English, about my column. You can write or fax me at The Weekly, or e-mail me at jtweekly@japantimes.co.jp

The Japan Times Weekly: Sept. 11, 2004
(C) All rights reserved

The Japan Times

Main Page | Japan Times Online | Subscribe | link policy | privacy policy

Copyright  The Japan Times. All rights reserved.