* This essay column is written by a longtime foreign resident of Japan.

My wife has announced that she wants to take a six-month break from her official duties. Apparently, she's exhausted and stressed out after 12 years of child rearing, 18 years of baby-sitting -- me -- and struggling emotionally and physically to come to terms with her new environment -- living with a foreigner -- at the same time as working full time for an investment management company. She tells me that she wants to spend her sabbatical traveling overseas as she has only been abroad nine times since we were married in 1986.

I must admit that it has been difficult, especially for my wife. It didn't help that the management at the British company where my wife worked was Japanese. They were less than pleased when she told them that she intended to return to work after giving birth to our son.

A married woman working was alien enough for them. Aren't married women meant to spend their days at home cleaning, cooking and shopping? Isn't their job to have children and look after their husbands? So a married woman who wanted to continue working after having a child was beyond their ken.

But the smiles quickly returned when they told my wife that she could only have three months' maternity leave and that her salary would have to be renegotiated (that is cut) -- there were no negotiations -- because with a child my wife would not be able to work overtime. The fact that she never worked overtime didn't enter into their reasoning, which was obviously aimed at making her working conditions as unpleasant as possible so that she would resign.

But my wife enjoyed her job, it was an important part of her life. Why should she give it up? So after three months of maternity leave, she added full-time mother to her resume and went back to work.

And so began six years of early mornings to get Tom up and ready for day care and later kindergarten, of dropping him off and racing to fight her way onto a train to get her to her office on time so that she could work eight hours before fighting her way onto another train to rush and pick him up before 6 p.m.

Years of hoping that someone in the "silver" or "priority" seats on the train would stop pretending to be asleep, open their eyes and offer their seat to a mother carrying a baby. Endless hours of waiting in line at a clinic or hospital to see a doctor for a couple of minutes.

What my wife did was not exceptional, millions of ordinary people do it every day, it's called being a mum.

Yes. it's been tough, but why take a break now? Tom has just turned 12 and he's grown into an independent young man; he doesn't need coddling any more.

At first I thought that my wife had been influenced by Crown Princess Masako. I've read and heard so much in the media about how she is a role model for modern women, a crusader for women's rights. But what relevance can a life of pampered luxury have for ordinary working people. When Masako put aside her job and career, and picked up her tiara she ceased to be relevant.

I don't mean to offend anyone, but I am English and I have plenty of experience with so-called royal models. I, and the rest of the nation, "suffered" through all the ups and downs of Princess Diana's marriage to Prince Charles as we waited in vain for her to cast aside all the fame and fortune that she had craved, and so obviously enjoyed, and actually become the "people's princess" that she was supposed to be.

I really do feel sorry for the royals, all that first-class travel, luxury living and being waited on hand and foot is enough to wipe the smile off anyone's face. But at least Masako has given me a reason (excuse) to take a break because I've been living under huge pressure in an unfamiliar environment for more than 18 years.

I'd welcome any comments or opinions, in Japanese or English, about my column. You can write or fax me at The Weekly, or e-mail me at jtweekly@japantimes.co.jp

The Japan Times Weekly: Aug. 14, 2004
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