* This essay column is written by a longtime foreign resident of Japan.

I occasionally like to take off my columnist's hat and replace it with my editor's eye shade so that I can try to answer objectively some of your comments about Sleepless in Setagaya. If you take the time and trouble to contact us, we will find the time to respond.

There was a time when blasphemers and heretics were burned at the stake -- why wait for them to burn in hell when they can be sent there in flames? Sins had to be purged with pain. And one e-mail writer would obviously welcome a return to those righteous days for me.

Although he said he is not a reader -- he just happened to pick up a copy of The Weekly and see my column -- he urged the editor to drop Sleepless in Setagaya immediately and sever (ouch! you see what I mean about pain) all ties with the columnist.

This is a man who obviously lives his life according to the hell fire and damnation teachings of the Old Testament. None of that namby-pamby, wimpish tolerance, understanding and turning the other cheek for him. No sir, he has no doubts: Sinners must face the wrath of God, plagues, pestilence and rivers running in blood; they must atone for their sins; they must be smited.

And my sin? I took the name of his Lord God in vain. In my Aug. 2 column about going to a baseball game on a Sunday, I suggested that my time might have been better spent going to church and then perhaps I wouldn't blaspheme so much, and to introduce the idea and to emphasize the point, I blasphemed. I didn't realize that I was being so subtle, obtuse, or offensive.

I'm sorry that I offended this "reader," but I suspect that if it wasn't me it would be someone or something else. I'm sorry because people so easily offended must have a desperate time just getting through each day. I am happy that he didn't know that I worked on the column on a Sunday, for as the Bible tells us: "Whosoever doeth work in the Sabbath day, he shall surely be put to death." (Exodus 31:15)

Sleepless in Setagaya has no pretensions to great literature, nor does it attempt to offer insights into life in Japan, which I know will disappoint at least one reader. I am not the reincarnation of Jean Pierce nor am I one of those self-professed foreign Japan experts who discovers after arriving here for the first time that he knows everything there is to know about the country and its culture on the journey into Tokyo from Narita airport.

This column is not about life in Japan. It is about my life in Japan. It would be arrogant of me to presume that my experiences here are the same for all foreigners living in Japan.

You know, no matter what we do in life, there will always be someone who does it better. This is something I try to teach my 11-year-old son, Tom, when he gets frustrated because he can't bend a soccer ball like David Beckham or while we're searching through the shrubbery at our local park for his baseball after his latest attempt at a moving fastball like the New York Yankees pitcher Mike Mussina throws; or when one of his friends at juku outscores him in a test.

And equally, there will always be those who think that they can do better.

And now's your chance because The Weekly is looking for columnists. So if you think you can produce 600 to 700 words every month that will interest, amuse, stimulate or even anger our readers, let us know. We'll pay you, though I wouldn't advise giving up your day job.

But before you put pen to paper, or fingers to a keyboard, make sure that you have the commitment, the ideas and the stamina to produce a column every month, because we and our readers will be counting on you.

I'd welcome any comments or opinions, in Japanese or English, about my column. You can write or fax me at The Weekly, or e-mail me at jtweekly@japantimes.co.jp

The Japan Times Weekly: Nov. 22, 2003
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