* This essay column is written by a longtime foreign resident of Japan.

Drivers in Doshi are great believers in the adage that the shortest route between two points is a straight line. In other words, they continually cut corners. And there are certainly plenty of curves in this mountainous chunk of Yamanashi Prefecture that I've called home for a dozen years.

While it's bad enough seeing a distant driver briefly cutting over to your side of the road as you approach, it's a lot worse coming around a blind bend and finding a vehicle doing so one curve farther along. Caught in the act, the drivers certainly don't seem in the least embarrassed. In such cases I like to give a long blast and indicate by vigorous hand gestures that I'm not in complete agreement with their driving style.

And if they can drive where they like, they can certainly stop anywhere that's convenient for them and likely to cause a headache for others. That means parking on the roadway outside a house or shop, rather than using any available parking space, and hiking to the curb from way out. But if an off-road parking spot is used, that often entails backing out onto the main road for maximum disruption.

But these situations are self-explanatory; the mystery thickens when vehicles slow down for no apparent reason. In such cases it's wise to pull back and await developments as it might be a driver that's elderly or drunk focusing his bleary eyes and getting ready to turn sharply across the other lane, and onto his property, without signaling.

There are plenty of social occasions in Doshi and almost all involve the liberal consumption of alcoholic beverages, never mind people heading to a bar to socialize. As it's a long village, the distance between such destinations and the residences of those attending is often substantial and even if close at hand people are reluctant to walk much, especially on dark roads. As Doshi lacks any late-night transportation system, these factors result in drinking and driving on a regular basis.

Given the frequency of the practice, I can only attribute the lack of crashes to the drivers knowing the roads, which are nearly deserted late at night, and -- although their senses are impaired -- knowing their limits. As they say, practice makes perfect. I gather, however, that the harsher penalties for driving while inebriated are discouraging some people from doing so, but in this under-policed neck of the woods I can't see it being stamped out.

I enjoy walking, even at night, so I attend functions up to an hour's walk away on foot. After leaving one PTA party late at night at the Mizu-no-Moto guesthouse about 500 meters from the illuminated main road, I confidently headed down the pitch-dark roadway toward Route 413. Whereupon I fell almost 2 meters into a dry rice field, bruising my ribs and hurting my pride.

Talking of idiots, the one who came up with the idea of slowing or stopping by the roadside and switching on the offside (right-hand side) indicators to convey a willingness to be overtaken should spend eternity driving through Doshi behind a slow-moving truck (it always feels like that for me in such situations!). That ambiguous please-overtake-me/I'm-turning-right signal has on several occasions almost lead to motorbikes or cars coming through the driver's door of my pickup as I make a right turn into my driveway.

Although, as my wife would be delighted to tell you, my aggressive, take-no-prisoners style of driving isn't perfect, after 10 years in the police and attending several driving courses at least I know what I should be doing. Soon after coming to Japan in 1982 I had five valid driver's licenses: an international one, a license for Bermuda, the Bermuda Police, the United Kingdom and Japan. Now I only have British and Japanese ones -- but last July, having lived in Japan for 20 years, I finally received my first gold Japanese license for safe driving. Better late than never!

If you have any comments please e-mail me at jtweekly@japantimes.co.jp

The Japan Times Weekly: Sept. 13, 2003
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