* This essay column is written by a longtime foreign resident of Japan.

There are nine of us, eight men and one woman, in the spacious room. There's plenty of food, snacks and beer on the table before us, but there are long uncomfortable silences lasting several minutes. Although we are seated on cushions, this isn't a zazen meditation session. We are waiting for someone to crack and confess to a willingness to become the next junior high-school PTA chairman for the Zennoki area in which we live.

While I understand that the "man" in "chairman" isn't masculine, in traditional Doshi Village we're not seeking a chairperson or chairwoman. It's a male that's needed to fill the top position for the new school year.

Toki-san -- wife of my friend Takaaki-san, proprietor of the Mizu-no- Moto guesthouse in which we are assembled -- is the outgoing vice chairman. She is accompanied by three of the previous committee members, so that leaves me and four other men in contention for the onerous, time-consuming position of chairman.

I am out of the running because of my limited Japanese ability. There are some jokes about me volunteering and giving all the speeches in English, but it's not a realistic possibility as there's more involved than speech-making. My good friend Ginju-san, Takaaki-san's cousin, and Mitsumoto-san have been office-holders several times and are not being considered.

Ginju-san hints that it might be good for a young person to become chairman and gain some experience. The comments are directed at Masaharu-san, 36, but he shrugs off this idea. That's acceptable this time because everyone knows it's Hisanii-san's turn to become chairman. However, to say that he's playing hard to get would be an understatement: He obviously has no intention of acknowledging this fact -- or of taking on the job. Hence the long silences during which Hisanii-san is presumably intended to reflect on the errors of his selfish ways then submit to the popular consensus.

We're obviously getting nowhere, and it has taken us four hours to get there, so we decide to meet again in four days' time. That's one week before the deadline to submit the names of the new chairman and committee members to the school, so the pressure is mounting. I can recall it taking four get-togethers to achieve a similar purpose on a previous occasion, so there's no guarantee that we'll be successful the next time.

Talk about waiting to the last minute: I was walking to Mizu-no-Moto for the meeting when Ginju-san intercepts me outside his house to tell me it has been canceled as Masaharu-san has caught the flu.

A week later, the rain was pouring down as if in a typhoon. Inside Mizu-no-Moto, in the eye of the storm, all's quiet on the volunteering front. Masaharu-san, suffering from hay fever, feels it would be too much of a step up for him to become chairman without having held an intermediate position. Hisanii-san confesses he's not interested and advances no real excuses, but we know public speaking is not his strong point.

Acting as elder statesman, Mitsumoto-san asks if Ginju- san wouldn't take on the task. Citing health concerns, Ginju-san agrees reluctantly to do so if the results of an upcoming extensive check-up are positive. We break out the beer to celebrate this breakthrough.

In obvious good health, a month later Ginju-san eats lunch with me in the Kiss Me restaurant, scene of the party following the first PTA meeting of the school year, which he chaired most effectively. We watch the Doshi River flowing below and admire the flowers on the far bank. The proprietress takes our order and thanks Ginju-san for choosing her establishment for the function held the day before. He recounts the trials and tribulations leading to his selection while I barely manage to restrain myself from asking who chose the restaurant's name.

If you have any comments please e-mail me
at jtweekly@japantimes.co.jp .

The Japan Times Weekly: April 26, 2003
(C) All rights reserved